


I'm dying

by esiuolbbh



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 02:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16630751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esiuolbbh/pseuds/esiuolbbh
Summary: Knowing you is a fairytale but loving you is a suicide.





	I'm dying

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiii!!! I'm justletthemshine_b on AFF! Cross posting my 2014 chanbaek fic here hehe

Since they were a child, Chanyeol and Baekhyun are bestfriends. They're always there for each other. In other words, they're inseparable.

 

Not until that one fateful day. That day where Baekhyun’s recital in music took place when he felt something in his chest. Something that is enigmatic. That very same day, Chanyeol couldn't come because of his research paper. But he promised Baekhyun that no matter what happen, he will attend his first ever recital. But where was he, where did his promise go? The recital was almost starting but Chanyeol was nowhere to be found.

 

'You promised me.' Baekhyun whispered. He wiped his tears and get ready because he was next.

 

He was now standing at the center of the stage and stopping himself to cry. Music started to play and Baekhyun let out his beautiful singing voice.

 

'Yeah, stop, stop. Geu nalgaega jeojeuni  
Oh oh, hu~ stop, stop.  
Gipeojin haru teum sai neoneun joyonghi dagawa  
Eodumeul geodeonaego naui jameul kkaewo  
Geurigon meoreojyeo yeollin changmun jeo neomeoro'

Tto gireul irheonna, neon, neon, neon.  
Bamgonggiga ajik chagawo ireona  
So, baby, hold on neol honja dugiga  
Nan geokjeongi dwae georil dugo neoui dwireul ttaraga  
Neon ssodajineun dalbiche syawo  
Geu hwangholhan pyojeongeun bon jeogi eobseo  
Geurimcheoreom meomchun nega boyeo  
Geu siseon kkeuten

 

Then suddenly, the door of the auditorium burst opened and someone walked in. Baekhyun was hoping that person was Chanyeol but he was wrong. That was just a random person

 

' Daheul suga eomneun angil sudo eomneun got  
Sumyeon wie bichin geon geu sarami aniya  
Irwojil su eomneun seulpeun neoui story  
Gakkawojilsurok deo apajil teni

Geu sarangmaneun… Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah  
Geu sarangmaneun… Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah  
Ireoke naega neol aetage bulleo  
Dagagaji ma, babe, geu nalgaega jeojeuni '

 

And that day, he realized something. That he was in love with his bestfriend, Park Chanyeol. A tear dropped from Baekhyun's eyes.

\----

"Baekhyun! Baekhyun!" He could hear someone calling him on the other side of the door.

 

"What?!" Baekhyun's voice was hoarse. He had been crying all night and he just slept five minutes ago.

 

"Open the door. Let's talk!" From that tone he could say that it was Chanyeol. It has been a week since he ignored Chanyeol. Since then, Chanyeol is always trying to approach Baekhyun on school and talk to him but Baekhyun always ignore him. The reason that Chanyeol know why he is being ignored by Baekhyun was he was not able to attend his first ever recital. But in Baekhyun's point, there was a deeper reason and he must stop this feeling.

 

"No! Go away!" Baekhyun shouted back.

 

"No! I'm not leaving unless you talk to me," Chanyeol said, almost begging. Seconds after, he heard a faint click on the other side of the door, meaning Baekhyun is now willing to talk to Chanyeol.

 

Chanyeol hesitantly opened the door and found Baekhyun that was lying on his bed and back facing him.

 

"Baek..." he sat on Baekhyun's and forcing him to look at him.

 

"Just talk. Don't bother me." He said. He didn’t want Chanyeol to see him in this state. Crying like an idiot’ because he has feelings for his best friend.

 

"Look at me first, please?" Chanyeol's voice was pleading but Baekhyun didn't move.

 

He heard a heavy sigh from Chanyeol before he speaks.

 

"Baek, I don't know what is happening now. Really. Is it because of your recital? Sorry okay, I know I promised you that I'll go but our research paper were stopping me! The deadline was the next day after your recital so please, Baek, tell me what's wrong....." Baekhyun couldn't utter any word. He can't say that, 'Chanyeol, I'm in love with you.' Not ever. Really. So, Baekhyun choose to stay quiet and listen to Chanyeol.

 

"Baek, talk to me, you're making things difficult...." Why are you like this? You're torturing me. Words are kept in Baekhyun's head. He could feel Chanyeol hugging him from the back.

 

"Baek, please..." Tears were streaming down from Baekhyun's eyes. The room was filled with silence and no one dared to talk. Minutes have passed and Baekhyun could hear a sniffing noise on his back. Is Chanyeol crying? Is that because of me?

 

"Hey, are you crying?" Baekhyun asked. But he received no answer.

 

"Chanyeol?" It's on cue, Baekhyun left his side and turned to face Chanyeol, in a blink of an eye, Chanyeol hugged him in a tight embrace.

 

"I'm so sorry for everything Baek, please forgive me." But Baekhyun only tighten his hug. How he wished this could last forever.

 

\-----

 

"Hey, Chanyeol, meet my new friend, Kyungsoo." At first, Chanyeol was shocked because after so many years, Baekhyun never introduced a friend to him but he smiled and shaked his hands with Kyungsoo.

 

"Hello, nice to meet you..." then Chanyeol continued what he was doing. There was a pang of guilt inside Baekhyun's chest. But this was the only way. I'm sorry, Chanyeol.

 

He really tried his best to focus his attention to Kyungsoo. But it is not working. Because at the end day, his eyes were always looking for Chanyeol. Why this is so hard? He tried everything just to forget his feelings for Chanyeol but everyday, his feelings for him was getting deeper.

 

What if he run away? What would Chanyeol feel? What if he confess? What will Chanyeol feel? Baekhyun only considered Chanyeol’s feelings, he didn’t care about his. What if ...?

 

\----

"Chanyeol, I'm dying. " Baekhyun bluntly said one day. All people at the table including Kyungsoo and his boyfriend, Jongin stopped doing what they're doing and looked at Baekhyun with surprised expression on their face.

 

"What?! Let's go to the hospital right now!" Chanyeol was tugging him to stand up but Baekhyun refused to.

 

"Stop it, Yeol. I’m just kidding."

 

"Seriously, Baek. What's wrong with you? How can you say that?"

 

"Well, I'm just wondering what will you feel if I'm going to die. "

 

"Definitely I will be sad. My bestfriend is leaving me. Probably, I'll die too. You're my other half Baek.... But you can't just make a joke of it! Don't do it anymore! You're giving me heart attacks. " Chanyeol ruffled Baekhyun's hair and continued to review in Language.

 

Months have passed, Baekhyun choose to stay silent and suppress his feelings for Chanyeol. But there were always a time that he couldn't handle it. When the time comes, he will always lock himself in his room and cried all night until he fall asleep.

 

\----

 

"Baekhyun, is there any problem? I can feel you're hiding something from me." Chanyeol confronted him one day.

 

"Huh? What are you saying? I'm just busy Yeol. You're over thinking. " he answered nervously. Did Chanyeol really felt it? I think I should be more careful.

 

"Are you sure?" Chanyeol assured.

 

"Yes. What makes you think that I will hide something from you?"

 

"Uhm..It's just I feel weird...well never mind. Let's go?" Baekhyun only nodded. Is Chanyeol feeling the same way now?

 

\----

 

Finally. Baekhyun got courage to confess on Chanyeol.

 

"Yeol./Baek..." They said in unison.

 

"You go first." Baekhyun's voice was soft.

 

"Do you know Kris from the basketball team?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Well..Uhm..He's asking me to date him..." The smile on Baekhyun's face was fading slowly.

 

"R-really? Why are you telling this to me?"

 

"I'm just asking for your permission...."

 

"What? Am I your mother?"

 

"N-no, it's just..."

 

"Uhm, I'm going to the comfort room. Nature break..." Baekhyun didn't even wait for Chanyeol's reply. He rushed to the comfort room and luckily there's no one there. He locked the door and as if he's losing his control, he dropped to his knees. A sharp breath escaped from him and tears started to pour.

 

Why did he need to suffer this kind of pain? Why did it had to be his bestfriend? Why did it had to be Chanyeol? Why? Why? He knew, and everyone knew that they will never be together. Forever, he will just be his bestfriend... forever he will bare the pain alone... forever.

 

"Baekhyun? " a loud knock from outside startled Baekhyun. He immediately stood up and fixed himself.

 

"Baekhyun, it's Kyungsoo, I saw you running here. Are you okay? "

 

"Y-yes... just wait a minute. " Baekhyun's eyes look puffy when he opened the door. When Kyungsoo saw, the state Baekhyun’s in, he immediately hugged the latter..

 

"Hey... what's wrong? Is it because of.... Chanyeol?" He asked softly. Kyungsoo knew about Chanyeol, he was aware of Baekhyun’s feelings towards Chanyeol.

 

"Baekhyunnie?" That voice made Baekhyun cried harder.

 

"Baek are you okay?" Chanyeol was heading towards them.

 

"Don't! I mean... don't go any further. Uhmmm... Baekhyun is just not feeling well. But you don't have to worry..." Kyungsoo trailed off. He can't find the right words for this situation.

 

"Really? Then I'm going to send him home." He walked much further but when he was three meter away, Baekhyun spoked up.

 

"No! Kyungsoo will take me home."

 

"But Bae--"

 

"It's okay. And we have some things to discuss too. See you tomorrow? " Baekhyun said without looking at him.

 

"O-okay. "

 

Days have passed and slowly depression is killing his system.

 

\----

 

His eyes were red. Eye bags are darker than anyone. No smile can be traced on his face. His face was blank. By looking at him, he looked like a patient escaped from a mental hospital.

 

"Baekhyun. " Kyungsoo called his name

 

"Baekhyun! " He called once again. Baekhyun look like he didn't hear anything. He was just looking outside the window.

 

"Baekhyun!! Are you listening?" Kyungsoo shouts at him but he didn't even move a flinch. He only responded when Kyunngsoo shaked him on the shoulders.

 

"Why? Are you saying something?" He innocently asked Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is known for his patience, but he can't just look at Baekhyun who was so miserable and didn't do anything.

 

"Baekhyun, I think you should get a rest... you look like a living corpse! Do you even know how you looked now? Uh?!" He shouted at him hoping that those words will wake him up.

 

"All I need is Chanyeol... I want him back...Please Kyungsoo, I need him..." Baekhyun started to cry. Kyungsoo really don't know what to do. For the past weeks, Baekhyun was always crying when he hear Chanyeol's name.

 

"Jongin-ah, help me." He asked his boyfriend to help him and for the past few weeks, when Baekhyun was crying, ranting for Chanyeol they will take Baekhyun home.

 

"Alright, let's go. We got one hour." Jongin said.

 

"No, I don't want to go home! I want Chanyeol! Kyungsoo... call him. Please." His voice was pleading.

 

"J-just wait a minute." Kyungsoo dialed Chanyeol's number.

 

'Hello?'

 

'Oh, Kyungsoo, why did you call? Is there any problem?'

 

'Uhmm, it's because of Baekhyun. Ahhhhm... he wants to see you.'

 

'Is that so? Okay. Where are you now?'

 

'We're here at the back of the library. '

 

'Okay. Just tell Baekhyun to wait.' And the call goes off.

 

"Baekhyun, Chanyeol is coming."

 

"Really?!" From that reaction, Kyungsoo can see the old Baekhyun who is now lost because of Chanyeol.

 

"Baekhyun? Kyungsoo?" A sound from the back startled them. And assuming that is Chanyeol.

 

"Yeol..." again he started to cry but because of happiness.

 

"What happened?"

 

"We'll leave you alone so you can talk freely." Kyungsoo said and leave with Jongin. When they left, Chanyeol asked again.

 

"What happened? You look horrible. Who did this to you?" Chanyeol joked but Baekhyun just hugged him

 

"I missed you Yeol. I miss you."

 

"I miss you too, Baek. I'm sorry for not being around. Busy with school works and with Kris of course."

 

"Are you happy?"

 

"Huh?"

"Are you happy with Kris?" You will be happier with me rather than Kris. Baekhyun wants to say those words but the words never left his mouth. He didn't want Chanyeol to stay away from him because of those words.

 

"Y-yes.."

 

"I'm dying, Chanyeol." this time, because of the pain of loving him.

 

\----

 

"What are you doing?!" Kyungsoo shouts. Baekhyun almost jumped off the rooftop, if wasn't stopped by Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo pulled him away from the corner.

 

"Are you even thinking?! Do you wanna die because of Chanyeol?!"

 

"N-no... I need to rest Kyungsoo. I really need to."

 

"And you think this is the best way?! Huh? To kill yourself? "

 

"I can't take it anymore Kyungsoo-yah. I can't handle this. I can't..." he started to cry. Kyungsoo really don't want to see this kind of things but he was the only person who Baekhyun can lean on.

 

"Stop crying, please? What I mean to rest is stay away from him for a while... and you don't need to kill yourself. Baek, I'm begging you. Don't do anything like that again. Please. Just promise me this."

 

"I promise."

 

After that incident, Baekhyun almost got himself back together. Almost.

 

They were sitting at a bench under a tree. Baekhyun look better than the past few months. He may be smiling now, but the truth is, he fixed himself for his friends so they don't need to worry about him especially Kyungsoo. Because of him, Kyungsoo is suffering too. He don't want to be a burden for anyone, even if it’s so hard for him to look happy, he did this for them.

 

"Look, Baekhyun, that’s Chanyeol, right?" Jongdae pointed at the two man happily chatting with each other with a plastered smile on their faces.

 

"Jongdae!" Kyungsoo shouted as if Chanyeol’s name is a forbidden word when they are with Baekhyun.

 

"No, Kyungsoo. It’s okay." He looked at them.

 

'It is really okay, Baekhyun.' He chanted this on his head several times. He also planted on his mind words like 'as long as he is happy, I should be happy too.'

 

"Let's go? We also need reference from the library for this research." Kyungsoo said. Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol again and their eyes met. He sadly smiled at him and trying his best not to cry. This is his goodbye.

 

\----

 

Kyungsoo will never ever let Baekhyun to be alone. After that incident, he was always with Baekhyun all the time. But today was an exemption.

 

"Are you sure you can go alone?" He asked Baekhyun. He will leave him for an important gathering on his grandpa's house.

 

"Yes! I'm not a kid anymore Kyungsoo-yah, I can go by myself."

 

"Okay, I trust you. But don't do anything like that again, uh?"

 

"Of course, I promised you that, aren’t I?"

 

"Okay. Take care of yourself. I'll be back tomorrow." He hugged Baekhyun.

 

As he walked away, Kyungsoo stole a glance on Baekhyun who was still waving at him. Seeing Baekhyun's smile today is making him uncomfortable.

 

Baekhyun is now walking at the corridor. His eyes were wandering around people who passed by him. Sadness was invading his feelings. Then suddenly he saw Chanyeol alone and Baekhyun was desperate. He ran to Chanyeol and pulled him closer and kissed him. Chanyeol was shocked. He didn’t know what to do about this so he pushed him away.

 

"What are you doing?!" He asked.

 

"I-I'm sorry..."

 

"What was that for?! What if Kris saw us?!" He shouted at Baekhyun. Baekhyun was shocked. Chanyeol never raise his voice towards him.

 

"I - - I'm...--"

 

"Answer me!"

 

"I-I'm sorry, but I-I'm in love with you..."

 

"What?!"

 

"I'm in love with you! Don't you get it?! I love you ever since but I just realized this too late! You are now in love with someone else. Do you know how hard is it for me to smile in front of you even if my heart is breaking into pieces?! Do you kno--"

 

"Stop! Sto--"

 

"Do you know how it feels when you said that he will date you. Do you know that is f*cking killing me?! Of course you don't. Because you only cared for yourself! For Kris! You don’t care about me!"

 

"Baek, stop! I don't want to hear anything about this!"

 

"Why?! Because you are guilty?! That you really don't care about me?! What do you want me to do just to love me back?" At his last sentence, Baekhyun burst in tears and went on his knees. The words that were kept hidden) for a long time was coming from his own mouth right now.

 

"Love you back?" Chanyeol mockingly said.

 

"Then die! Then I will love you back!" He turned his heels and walked away. Baekhyun was left, crying.

 

\----

 

At home, Baekhyun doesn't really know how he can walk home to their house without getting hurt. He was still crying and luckily, his parents are not around to see this. He needed Kyungsoo now. He dialed Kyungsoo's number on his phone and after three rings, Kyungsoo answered it.

 

'Hello, Baek are you okay? Why did you call? Is there any problem?'

 

'N-no, I just miss you already Kyungsoo-yah.'

 

'Haha, well I do so. Is everything okay? '

 

'Yes...'

 

'Are you seriously okay?'

 

'Yep!' Baekhyun tried to sound happy but he knows he failed.

 

'Baek, tell me...'

 

'It doesn't matter, Soo. I'm hanging up now. Enjoy there. Thank you for everything. Bye! '

 

'Wai-'

 

He must not do anything stupid right now because he promised Kyungsoo. Because loving Chanyeol is stupid enough.

 

The sky is dark, and rain will be pouring down on anytime soon. Slowly his façade was melting away. Tears starting to rush it ways to Baekhyun’s cheeks. At his room, he saw his medications.

 

'No, Baekhyun. You will not do something like that.' His mind kept chanting those words But Baekhyun seems hypnotized, he went through them. With shaking hand, he grabbed his sleeping pills and anti-depressant. Putting all of the contents on his hands, he swallowed those. Because of love, sorrow and pain overpowered, heart and mind will die.

 

The last thing he heard was a loud opening of his door and he blackout.

 

\----

At a shady park, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were seated on one of the bench.

"Baekhyun! Come here!"

"Why?" Baekhyun closed his book and paid attention to Chanyeol.

"Look." Chanyeol pointed his eyes.

"Huh? Is there something wrong?" Baekhyun asked and he looked at his eyes.

"Yes.."

"There's is nothing wrong there." Baekhyun whined.

"There is! Just come closer! Ah!" and rubbed his eyes.

"Let me see.." as Chanyeol said, he come closer. Then he received a kiss from Chanyeol.

"Oh!" Baekhyun's cheeks were burning. He didn't expect that.

"Haha," Chanyeol just chuckles at Baekhyun's face and pulled him closer and hugged him tightly. Comfortable silence filled them.

"Chanyeol-ah,"

"Hmm?"

"What if suddenly, I leave you? What will you do?" Chanyeol released him and looked directly on his eyes.

"I will chase you no matter what. Even if you don't love me anymore, I won't just give up like that. Why? Are you gonna leave me?"

"No, I'm just asking you. So, you really gonna chase after me. I knew it. You're head over heels on me! Haha."

He teased Chanyeol.

"But Baek, what if that happen? What do you think kind of mistake did I make to the point that you're gonna leave me?"

"I don't have any idea, Chanyeol. And besides I will never ever leave you. I love you and if you are going to do a mistake I'm sure there is always a reason behind it."

"You're such a cheesy puppy!" Chanyeol pinched his cheeks Hard. Baekhyun pinch him too on his arm causing Chanyeol to release his cheeks.

"That hurts. " they yelped in unison. Chanyeol looked at his phone and stand up.

"Let's go" He urged Baekhyun to stand up.

"Where to?" Grabbing his bag, he put his book inside and zipped it up.

"Restaurant. Well, a family meeting."

"With us?"

"Yes."

"How come I didn't know this?"

"I don't know either. I just read the message a while ago. Let's go."

"Okay."

Walking side by side, happily chatting to each other, they reach the pedestrian lane. Holding each other's hand, they walk through it. But Chanyeol's lace was untied and he almost trip to it.

"Wait!" He immediately sat down and fixed it.

"Yah, do it when we reach the other side. We're in the middle of pedestrian lane!"

"Yea. Yea. I'm do--" Blinding light interrupted him. Seconds after, Baekhyun was there, lying at the ground, bathing in his own blood. Chanyeol couldn't move. He was almost hit by a car but Baekhyun pushed him. A commotion was formed fast. When Chanyeol returned to his senses, he quickly dialed the ambulance number. He hurried to Baekhyun’s side.

"Baek.. wake up.."

"C-chanyeol-ah.."

"D-don't sleep okay? The help will be here any moment. Don't c-close your eyes please." Chanyeol held his hand tightly.

"I-I'm not going to sleep..." Baekhyun coughed blood.

"Y-you're not going to leave me right? You promised me..." Chanyeol was crying too.

"I-I'm not l-leaving you. N-never... I love you..." Baekhyun was losing his consciousness.

"Baek! Wake up! Baekhyun!" He heard the siren of the ambulance.

All of their family members were there. Because today, Chanyeol will be proposing to Baekhyun to marry him. They should be there at the restaurant, having fun. Chatting with others. But now they're here, at the hospital fighting for Baekhyun's life.

"Chanyeol, here. Eat this." His sister offered him but Chanyeol declined it.

"Okay. But I'll leave it here in case you will be hungry. We're on the chapel, okay?" He hugged his brother and left.

'Baekhyun will never leave me. Never. He promised me that.' those words makes Chanyeol strong.

After 5 hour of waiting, the doctor left the emergency room. Chanyeol immediately ran to him.

"Doctor, is he okay now?" He hopefully asked but the doctor was constantly shaking his head.

"What do you mean by that?" Chanyeol's voice went up.

"We're sorry but we lost him. He lost too much blood and there's a lot of head injury that caused blood hemorrhage inside his head. We were very sorry."

"Ha ha! You're kidding right? Baekhyun is alive! He will never leave me! And who do you think you ar--"

"Chanyeol stop! You're hurting him!" his sister stopped him. He apologized to the doctor and asked him to leave.

"Noona...Baekhyun is alive right?"

"Shhhhh." his sister hugged him and patted his back.

"Answer me. Please. He is lying right? "

"No, Chanyeol. Baekhyun is gone."

 

\----

 

Chanyeol woke up with tears in his eyes. That was just a dream but why does it feels true? he groomed himself and get dress up.

 

The ride on his bike was smooth. Now he is here in front of Byun's residence.

 

He walks inside and see Baekhyun who is smilling brightly. He walk further and gave respect to Baekhyun's parents. After that he kneels beside Baekhyun's parents.

 

All the people around are chatting as if nothing is wrong. He set his eyes to Baekhyun and tears are alertly going to fall. Baekhyun...

 

Baekhyun died yesterday.

 

Chanyeol was the one who sent Baekhyun to the hospital but it was too late. He was reportedly dead on arrival. Chanyeol was blaming the distance of the hospital, blaming himself for not driving his car fast enough for Baekhyun to be safe. He's blaming everything to him.

 

'Why did you do that? Is it because of the things I said to you yesterday?'

 

'Do you really love me like that to the point that if I told you to die, you are going to?

 

'Did you even consider my feelings for you? Did you ever think about that?'

 

"Baekhyun... I love you too.."

 

Chanyeol loves him more than Baekhyun does. If seeing Baekhyun with another man is killing him what more if Baekhyun just leave him like this?

 

Those words that he said yesterday was just an act because Kris was there, standing behind Baekhyun. He doesn't want to hurt Kris but he chose to hurt Baekhyun. He never thought that Baekhyun can do that to himself. Never.

 

Crying would never ease the pain. But a person who's willing to lean on his shoulders can do.

 

This time, Chanyeol is crying with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was Baekhyun's second bestfriend. Though, he doesn't want to count it but he always considers him as Baekhyun's firsts. Kyungsoo was there when he wasn't there on his side. He was there when Baekhyun suffered. He was always there for Baekhyun.

 

"Kyungsoo, thank you for always be there for Baekhyun when I can't. Thank you." Chanyeol says with tears still rolling down his cheeks.

 

"Baekhyun was my bestfriend. I'm just returning all the good deeds he did to me. Now, he was gone, I don't have anyone to be with me when I'm in our vocal lessons. No one will accompany me everytime I will go to the library. No one can replace Baekhyun. No one. What did you do to him?" That was not a question but that statement makes Chanyeol realize that he is the one who made Baekhyun like this.

 

He gave Baekhyun all the suffers just because he doesn't want to end their friendship because of his feelings. And he can feel that Kyungsoo is blaming him too.

 

"I-I'm sorry." Chanyeol stand up and silently makes his way to Baekhyun's room.

 

Baekhyun's fragrance was still lingering inside the room. The room was not moved nor cleaned since yesterday. The pills where scattered across the ground. Picking up them one by one, he can feel it again. That feeling when he saw Baekhyun falling into the floor. He tried to spill those pills but he failed. He tried everything but in the end, Baekhyun died.

 

After the funeral, the pain is still there. Chanyeol couldn't go to school to study. Eye bags were forming underneath his eyes. After that day, he doesn't even want to sleep. Because even in his dream, Baekhyun was there.

 

He's thinking about this since Baekhyun's funeral. And now, he's ready. Reaching a ball pen and some papers, he sit on his bed and starts writing. After he finished, he folds it and put it beside his table lamp.

 

In afterlife, there will be no pain. Only love and happiness can be felt. His world died because of him and he thinks he should too.

 

'Baekhyun, if I die too, will you love me like that again?'

 

Like Baekhyun, he swallowed those medicines that Baekhyun left and overdosed himself. His body slump lifeless on his bed. He smiles in his death as he will see his Baekhyun again on the other side. Because of love, one will suffers , one will be happy. Because of love, people tend to do stupid things that you can't imagine. Because of love, they find their happiness. Because of their love for each other, they are now together.

 

_ _ _

 

This is what’s written on the letter that Chayeol left on his bedside table;

 

'Hello! I'm Park Chanyeol. I'm currently studying at XXX University taking up Bachelor of Science in Biology. Today will be (well maybe) the second best day in my life. First is when meeting my Baekhyun, second is we will be together forever any minute from now. Yes. I would like to thank my umma who gave birth to me, if you weren't here, I'm not here either. To my appa, who has the best patience of raising me and noona. To my noona, who is always nagging like a mother to me, I'll miss you. To Kyungsoo, Don't stress yourself too much. Your boyfriend is always there for you and send him my regards, okay? To Kris, I'm sorry. Really I am. I hope you can forgive me. And last, To Baekhyun. Just wait me there okay? I will be there in a minute. Thank you for everything guys! And don't blame Baekhyun for this. This is my own decision. I love you all. Till we meet again. Bye!'

 

 

'I sarangmaneun… Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah (tonight)  
I sarangmaneun… Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah (tonight)  
Ireoke naega neol aetage bulleo  
Meoreojiji ma, babe, geu nalgaega jeojeuni'  
I should have told you

I know. I know, I know. I just broke my promise. But here am I. Updating.

SUPER WARNING : THIS. IS. NOT. EDITED.

My beta reader and I have some sort of miscommunication. I'm not blaming her. Don't be mad at here. It's my fault, our broadband's fault. I'm so sorry if you wait this long for this crap. Sorry sorry. I'm gonna post the edited one if our connection is stable already.

Belated merry Christmas and advance happy new year.

AGAIN THIS IS NOT EDITED.

\-----------

"I am so sorry, Baekhyun. I should have told you."

\----  
Everything is perfect when you are a kid. Everything that you want, you can have it. But in their case, it's different.

At Seven-

"Chanyeol, stop crying." Baekhyun said.

"I can't h-help it. He left me..." Chanyeol sobbed harder.

"But he is happier now. So stop crying."

"I can't imagine my life without him. I'm going to die!"

"Chanyeol you're beginning to be ridiculous. You're not going to die. Your life doesn’t depends on him."

"B-but--"

"Chanyeol I'm here, I am not going to leave you. Stop crying or else I'll tell Yoora noona."

"Really? " Chanyeol said and look at Baekhyun. Baekhyun wiped Chanyeol's tears using his thumb.

"Yes." Chanyeol started to sob again.

"W-Why are you crying again?" But Chanyeol didn't answer him. Seeing his bestfriend suffering, he can't help him to ease the pain.

Silence is covering them until Chanyeol heard a faint sniffing noise. When he looked up, he saw Baekhyun crying too.

"Why *sob* are you *sob* crying too?" He asked.

"Because you are still crying! I can't bear you seeing like that!" Baekhyun answered him.

"Stop crying! I should be the one who will cry!"

"But Chanyeol, "

"Stop!" Chanyeol used his clothe to wipe Baekhyun's tears.

"You shouldn't cry, baekkie. You are not the one who was left. " he continued.

"But my tears are not stopping. What am I going to do?" Baekhyun said who is still crying and wiping his own tears.

"Just think of a thing that will make you happy..."

"I can't, you are the one who makes me happy. If you are sad, I will be sad. If you are happy, I will be happy too..."

"Really? " Chanyeol said. Already stopped crying when he saw crying too.

"Yes, so if you cry, I will cry too."

"Baekhyun, I already stopped crying." Baekhyun looked up and saw that Chanyeol isn't crying anymore.

"Oh." Silence covered them again.

"Do you think he will be happier there?" Chanyeol asked after a minute of silence.

"Yes. Fluffy will be happier there. So don't be sad. I will be here always." Baekhyun assured him.

"Promise?" Chanyeol put his pinky finger in the air.

"Yes. I Promise." And Baekhyun entwined his little finger on Chanyeol's.

"Do you think there is a ferret heaven up there?"

"I think so."

Different in a way that they were not even like kids out there. At the age of seven, they made their friendship much stronger that even the strongest typhoon can't break it.

When you are a kid, there will be always promises that will be made. Moments that will be treasured. Memories that will last for a life time. And sometimes, people that can be with you forever.

At Ten-

"Chanyeol-ah! Look!" Baekhyun called him from his veranda. They were inside Chanyeol's room.

"Wait, let me finish this..." Chanyeol said and continued doing his little project.

"But this might fly away. Hurry up!"

"That can wait. Just give me a minute. This will be done."

"But!" Baekhyun accidentally let go of the butterfly. Baekhyun let a frustrated groan before he went inside and sat on Chanyeol's bed. Just then, Chanyeol finished what he was doing.

"Where is it?" He asked Baekhyun who is back is facing him.

"I don't know!" Baekhyun answered back while punching Chanyeol's pillow.

"What do you mean?" He said while walking to his bed and sitting beside Baekhyun.

"He flew away! I dont know where it is!" Baekhyun said still punching his pillow.

"Why are you punching my pillow? Did it do something wrong to you?" He said and get the pillow from him.

"Chanyeol-ah, give it back." Baekhyun said in a authoritative voice.

"Noo.. not until you tell me what's wrong." He said. Ever since they were kids, Chanyeol is really persistent on anything.

"Alright." Baekhyun stand up and got off the bed. "Finish all your works before you talk to m--"

"Where are you going? "

"I'm going home." Baekhyun said before slamming the door close. Meanwhile Chanyeol was left of words, With mouth agape. Still figuring out why his bestfriend acted like that. Was it because of the thing that flew away? Or he didn't bother to look at him earlier? Chanyeol didn't know what is the reason. He was just busy a while ago because he finished making a birthday present for Baekhyun whose birthday will be two days from now. Feeling guilty, he made his bestfriend upset again. A heavy sigh escaped from his lips.

The next day, Chanyeol asked his mother to bake a cake.

"Is this for Baekhyun? "

"Yes."

"Okay. Help me with this." Since Chanyeol's mom own a bake shop, he is sure that the cake that they're baking tastes good.

"Mom, what does it feels like if you are in love?" Chanyeol asked while his mother is mixing the chocolate batter.

"Huh? Why are you asking this? Are you...?"

"N-No. No. I'm just curious, mom."

"If you say so.." his mother said in a teasing manner. "What does it feels like? When you are with him, no matter what is he doing, it will make you smile. If he is sad, you'll feel sad too. Basically, if you are in love, Whatever what is he feeling, you will feel it too. If he's in pain, you can feel it too. So if you love him, you better not to hurt him."

"Ahh, mom, Pain is inevitable right? How can we prevent to hurt them? "

"That's a good question. Pain is really inevitable. But if that time comes, we can't make it painless but we can ease the pain. People can make mistakes too. Nobody is perfect. As long as you love each other, you will make a way for him not to be hurt."

"Ohhh." Chanyeol was left in words, he didn't get cleary what his mother said but one thing is for sure, when the time comes, if Chanyeol is in love, he will make his partner free from pain and will be happy all the time.

"Chanyeol-ah."

"Hmm,"

"You're too young for love, okay?"

"I-I know."

The next day, When he woke up, everything is fine. Not until he saw Baekhyun there, lying beside him, sleeping.

'When did Baekhyun came here?'

He decided to got off his bed, carefully not to wake up sleeping Baekhyun.

"Mom."

"Oh? Chanyeol, you're awake. Where's Baekhyun? " his mother asked while preparing foods in the table. Chanyeol frown when his saw the foods that his mother cooked for breakfast.

"Mom. Isn't that too heavy for breakfast? " he asked.

"Aigoo. Take a look at the clock, son. Its already noon." Chanyeol take a glance on the clock and right. Its already noon. Well, it's normal for them if he will woke up late in the weekends.

"Why you didn't wake me up? Haaaa." He asked with a yawn.  
"Baekhyun is here early in the morning and he said he will wake you up. Right, where he is, Chanyeol?"

"He's in my room. Sleeping. "

"Ok. Wake him up. We'll eat in few minutes." Chanyeol stomped his feet before walking to his room again.

"Yah. Baekhyun-ah. Get up." He said while shaking Baekhyun’s shoulder.

"Baekhyun. Baekhyun!"

"Ummmm."

"Get up!" But Baekhyun is still half awake.

"BACON GET UP!" He shouts at him. Earning a glare from Baekhyun.

"I swear Chanyeol if I get a chance to bite you now, I will." Baekhyun said while sitting up.

"What time is it?"

"It's noon. Why are you sleeping here?"

"Dunno. " Baekhyun just gave him a cheeky grin. It takes Chanyeol seconds to take control of his system. His bestfriend is so cute. And he need to resist it.

"Let's go. Mom will be serving our lunch any minute." Chanyeol pinch Baekhyun cheeks first before running out of his room.

'Hoh. That was close.'

At Thirteen-

"Joonmyun-ah, where's Baekhyun?" Chanyeol asked one day.

"I don't know. Maybe he's with Yixing. And Chanyeol its Suho, okay?" Suho answered and adjusted his reading classes, continued reading his history book.

"Okay JOONMYUN. " And then he went off to find Baekhyun. Suho and Lay/Yixing are there other friends.

He found Baekhyun at the back of the library with Lay. But they seemed to be immersed with their conversation and didn't notice Chanyeol’s presence.

"I'm going to confess to him tomorrow"

"Are you really sure about that? What if he will reject you?"

"Its okay. Atleast I get a chance to confess."

"Heeeey! What's with rejection? " Chanyeol said and startled the two.

"What the hell Chanyeol! What are doing here?!" Baekhyun said while removing the taller's arm around him. Chanyeol just grin and didn't let Baekhyun win. In the end, Baekhyun just let him to do that.

"Okay, what are you talking about? Rejection? " Chanyeol asked again.

"Lay-hyung is planning to confess on Suho tomorrow. " Baekhyun answered him.

"Ohh." Is Chanyeol can only say. He hope that he can have that kind of courage too. To confess to someone you ..love.

"Let's go, it's already time." Chanyeol dragged Baekhyun because his arm is wrapped around Baekhyun's and doesn't want to let go, back to their class with Lay at their back.

"Yah, Chanyeollie," Baekhyun called him. They're now walking to their houses which is quite far but they always want to stroll so they don't want to ride any kind of transportation. Well, exception when it is raining.

"What?"

"Do you think Lay hyung will be rejected?"

"I don't think so. Because based on Suho hyung's gestures towards him, he seems to have a feelings for him too."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, you know what, stop worrying about others life, you should think about us!"

"What about us?"

"You know what I mean Baekhyun. It's your turn." Chanyeol said and a smile is forming across his lips.

"Only if you can catch me." Chanyeol shake his head lightly and Wait for a few seconds to past before he will chase Baekhyun because he is sure that he can manage to catch Baekhyun in no time.

'Right Baekhyun, what about us?'

"Hooh. I really hate your long legs!" Baekhyun said while sitting on a chair inside a ice cream parlor.

"No. You're just too slow. Please don't blame my beautiful legs about that." Chanyeol smirks.

"Huff." Baekhyun just scoff at him and started to look at the menu. When Baekhyun is having a hard time to pick his flavor, Chanyeol is simply staring at him. Those eyes that tell everything what he feels, those lips that is just perfect. Those smiles that makes Chanyeol's heart beat faster twenty times. His voice, Everything about Baekhyun is making Chanyeol happy. Chanyeol thinks that his situation is really funny. A clichè one. Who would've thought that he will fall in love with his bestfriend. It's difficult to hide but sometimes he can't control it and his body will naturally react like boyfriend towards Baekhyun. He hopes that Baekhyun will never noticed it. What if one day, Baekhyun love him too? Chanyeol laugh at that thought because that will never gonna happen.

"Hey, why are you laughing alone? Are you in drugs?" Baekhyun said when he caught Chanyeol laughing alone.

"Nothing. Nothing. What's your flavor? You've been choosing it for ages."

"Well I'll go for chocolate now."

"The hell, baek. That's it? What's the use of looking at the menu?"

"It is just for some etiquette purpose, Yeol. You know, Should learn it from me. Haha"

Chanyeol sigh in disbelief  
"Wow, Baekhyun you are really one of a kind."

The next day, the day when their Lay hyung will confess. Everything is normal, their classes, their seatmate, teachers. And then the time has come, their class ended for today. The four of them head to their school canteen which they always do before they will go home.

As they got their seats, Chanyeol is getting nervous for his hyung. He don't know why he is feeling like this.

"Yah, your hands are sweating. " Chanyeol said as he hold Baekhyun's hand. For the past few years, holding each other's hand is normal to them.

However Lay and Suho who took their seat a little far from the two, is having their private talk.

"Baek, order some foods! I'm hungry!" Chanyeol said and trying his best to act 'normal' today and to ease his nervousness.

"Aish, why would I?! I'm not your maid!"

"My treat."

"Oh. You didn't say it earlier! What should I order? The old one?"

"Yes," Chanyeol said while laughing, he can't just take his bestfriend's cuteness. He hopes that he can be the only one who can see that... Being selfish is not a crime right?

While waiting for Baekhyun to come back, He heard some of conversation of Suho and Lay,

" Let's forget about that, I have a confession today ..." their Lay hyung said.

" Hmm, what is it?"

" Suho, I like you, "

" What?"

" Hey Chanyeol!" Baekhyun said, startled Chanyeol who is eavesdropping.

"Oh!"

" Here it i--"

"I-I don't like you, I'm sorry. " Suho said while standing up and left them without Any word.

As they regain their composure, they immediately went for their Lay hyung who is now feeling down.

" Hyung, are you okay? " Baekhyun approaches him first.

"No, Baekhyun, I'm not okay"

"What a dumb question, Baekhyun." But deep inside, Chanyeol is really concerned about their hyung and he just want to lighten up the mood.

"Shut up Chanyeol, I'm not talking to you." Baekhyun said as he continued to comfort Lay,

"It's okay, it's okay hyung. Like what you said, atleast you've got the chance. "

"I just hope things will be normal after this. Let's go home." Finally, let out a smile.

"Okay..Yah Chanyeol, go get my bag."

"What?"

"What." Baekhyun sent a dagger like glare and Chanyeol started to move.

'A cute puppy outside, a lion inside.'

Days have passed. Things are normal as usual but not on them. As the day have passed, Suho started to avoid them. Fleeting away when he will saw Lay, trying his best not to meet Lay in any possible places. Chanyeol and Baekhyun felt bad for that.

"It's my fault. I'm sorry if I drag you to this. Suho is avoiding both of you if I'm with you."

"It's okay hyung. Suho hyung just need some time to adjust." Chanyeol said while patting Lay's back.

"Also I have to tell you something..."

"Omo, don't tell me you're gonna confess on Baekhyun too?!" Chanyeol said hysterically.

"Chanyeol! "Baekhyun said as he stomp Chanyeol's feet.

"Ah!" Chanyeol yelp in pain. And Baekhyun sent him a 'You shut up or else' look so he zip his mouth and smiled at him.

"What is it hyung?"

"I'm going back to China."

"B-but why? Is it about Suho hyung? I'll talk to hi--"

"No. No. Its not like that, my father wants me to go back there to train me for our business and that is a perfect time to move on too..."

"Hyung... "

"Its okay Baekhyun don't be sad. I will contact you every now and then."

"When will you go hyung?" Chanyeol asked still bearing the pain that Baekhyun caused to his feet.

"Tomorrow, "

"That fast?"

"Yes. I'm sorry if I'm just saying it to you now, I'll miss you." And then they hug Lay for the last time.

And that's it, Suho and Lay's friendship broke because of a confession.

When he got home, Chanyeol is actually planning to confess on Baekhyun before their Christmas break but when he saw the result of what happen to his two hyungs, he was scared to do that now. Their friendship was ruin by just a simple three words. They part their ways without any reconciliation.

Chanyeol don't want that to happen to them so he firmly made it that he will never confess to Baekhyun for the sake of their friendship, for his love.

-At Nineteen-

Entering college is one of the hardess moment for them. They don't have any classes that they're together. Different faces, different personalities. New surroundings. Everything is new for them.

"Baek, just wait me here again if I'm not here yet, okay?"

"I get it. I get it. Just go to your class now." Baekhyun said while reading his book.

"I'll go now. Be careful okay? Bye" Chanyeol take a glance of Baekhyun who's wearing a fake glasses which add him cuteness.

"Yah, why are you still here?" Baekhyun looked up. He just caught Chanyeol ogling at him.

"It's just you're too cute to be left behind. Hmmmmm." Chanyeol pinch Baekhyun cheeks first before heading off. College is just a new world they need to explore.

When Chanyeol's class ended, he went to their meeting place immediately only to find out Baekhyun is not there.

'Where is he? He should be here now.'

Chanyeol waited Baekhyun for minutes before he spotted him with another ... guy? His instincts comes first. He stand up and walk to them.

"CHANYEOL! " Baekhyun called him but Chanyeol is looking directly to the guy beside Baekhyun. When their distance became close, Chanyeol reached for Baekhyun's hand and slowly dragging him to his side.

"Who is he?" Chanyeol whispered to him.

"Oh. Right. Chanyeol, this is Jongdae. Jongdae, this is my bestfriend Chanyeol. " Baekhyun introduced them to each other. Jongdae offered his hand for shake hands which Chanyeol doesn't want to accept but he was treaten by a tighten grip on his hand which Baekhyun did. So Chanyeol obliged,

They exchanged their 'Nice to meet you,'s and let go of each other's hand. He hopes that Baekhyun wouldn't sense that there's a tension between him and Jongdae.

But what annoys him the most is the smile on Jongdae's face.

"Tss. Let's go Baek, mom's inviting you for dinner."

"Okay, Bye Jongdae! See you tomorrow. " Baekhyun bid goodbye to Jongdae and Chanyeol just look at him.

\----

"You're so rude!"

"What?" Chanyeol answered him. Rude? Huh! To whom?

"You're so rude on Jongdae. Why?"

"I just don't feel him" Being close to Jongdae? Chanyeol just roll his eyes at that idea. That will never gonna happen.

"Just try to get along with him. He's only my friend on my classes."

"I'll try.."

"Also he will join us lun--"

Chanyeol stuffed some chocolate cake on Baekhyun's mouth so he will shut up.

"Okay okay just finish your food."

\---  
Surprisingly, he and Jongdae get along very well. Chanyeol doesn't even know how that happen, just one day, Jongdae talk to him and he realized that Jongdae have the pretty same personality to him.

This day is a 'Baekhyun-free day' In which Chanyeol and Jongdae have classes on Saturdays and Baekhyun doesn't have any. They're now inside the cafeteria.

"Yah, do you have plans on courting Baekhyun?" Chanyeol spurts the water that he was drinking because of Jongdae's shocking question.

"W-what are you talking about?!"

"Oh come on, don't deny it. You're too obvious."

"B-but, Am I... really that ... obvious ?"

"Yes. And I don't even know why Baekhyunnie didn't even noticed it."

"He's dense that's why." He said before chomping again his burger.

"So, any plans?"

"I don't have any. I don't want to lose our friendship because of that"

"Uh? What do you mean?"

"That incident happened five years ago. One of our friend confessed on our other friend too. He got rejected and their friendship ended like that. Without any reconciliation,"

"And you're scared?"

"Yes. I don't want to lose our friendship because of that. I'd rather to be friends with him that to do that. "

"You're brave, Chanyeol-ah. Good luck."

"I hope things will be much better in the future. Cheers!" Chanyeol raised his bottle of water and both of them clank their each others bottle. They are weird.

-At Twenty one-

"Chanyeol-ah, your promise uh."

"Yea. Yea. I'm going. Help me with this first." Chanyeol said as he type again on his laptop.

"You sure?" Baekhyun said as he type the document that Chanyeol gave him on his laptop.

Chanyeol stopped typing and look at Baekhyun, "Baek, when did I broke my promises? Tell me."

"Never. I'm just making sure.. Because if you will not come, I swear, I will be mad." Chanyeol pinch Baekhyun’s cheeks first before continuing his work.

\----  
"Are you done? I'm hungry." Baekhyun said as he sprawled himself on Chanyeol's sofa.

"Just... a minute. Wait." He is editing their work. Chanyeol need to finish it now so he can attend Baekhyun's recital tomorrow.

"I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. " Baek said repetitive. Chanyeol can only sigh and save his work. Since that is almost done, he can continue it tomorrow to edit the remaining work. Who can resist Baekhyun who is acting cute in front of you?

"Okay. Okay. Let's go. Put your coat on, it's chilly outside." He said as he shut down his laptop; reaching his coat and draped it on his broad shoulders.

"Eh? Are we eating outside?"

"Why? You don't want to? We can tell noona to co--"

"No. No. I want it! Let's go to our favorite restaurant!"

"Pfft. You really look like a puppy. "

"What?!"

"Nothing. Noona! We're going out-- oh I mean we're going to eat outside. Bye!" He blushed at his choice of words.

"Okay! Go back early, okay?" His sister replied.

Chanyeol dragged Baekhyun outside their house and let out a sigh. Since the restaurant is quite far to their house, around fifteen minutes of walking, he insisted to use his car but Baekhyun didn't want to, so they end up walking.

"Where's your scarf, baek? " he asked because he noticed that Baekhyun is not wearing a scarf.

"Oh! I forgot it to your house!"

"Aish. You're really irresponsible." They stopped walking and Chanyeol removed his scarf and put it to Baekhyun.  
"You shouldn't forget to bring scarf specially if you're going out at night. It's cold. You throat will be in a bad condition if you will always forget that." He said as he secure Baekhyun’s neck with his scarf to give him warmth.

Baekhyun pouted before answering him "Thank you. How about you? You can catch cold."

"Don't worry about me, baek. Just do whatever I'm saying, then you will be okay."

"I get it. Let's go." Baekhyun held Chanyeol's hand before starting to walk. It's normal for them to hold each other's hand but that was years ago for Chanyeol, Because when he realized that he liked Baekhyun back then, everything changed in snap. For him, holding each other's hand is the best feeling, that he can die on the spot because of that. Holding Baekhyun's hand can give him enough warmth to prevent from catching cold. Well, Chanyeol is a cheesy one,

After their meal, they walk again to go back.

"Chanyeol... you will come right? I'm expecting you there. " Baekhyun asked when they're in front of their house.

"I will. I promised right?"

"I'm holding onto that promise."

"Are you nervous for tomorrow? "

"I can't help it. That is my first recital ever."

"Come here. I'll give you a hug." Baekhyun step forward to hug Chanyeol.

"You shouldn't be nervous. Your voice is the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. Don't worry too much about that, okay?"Chanyeol hugged Baekhyun tighter.

"Baekhyun-ah?" He said when Baekhyun didn't speak after that.

"Baekhyun."

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, you just smell so nice and warm. I really love hugging you." With that statement, Chanyeol could feel his heart doubled its beating pace. Slowly, he separate himself and told him to go inside. Baekhyun obliged and waved at him first before going inside. After Baekhyun closed their door, Chanyeol stayed for about minutes before turning his back and started to walk to their house. He hope Baekhyun didn't hear his fast heart beating.

'What did you do to me, baek?'

\----  
"Crap! Where is it?! I saved it here! Damn!" Chanyeol didn't know how he will feel, since he got back to their house, he opened first his laptop to continue his work but he can't see it anywhere. He is sure that he saved it before he shut it off.

"Yah, why are you shouting? what's your problem? "

"My Research! It dissappeared! "

"What? You didn't save it before you go?"

"I saved it. I'm sure of that. But when I look for it now, it's gone! What am I gonna do now?!"

"Wait. Let me see." His noona took the laptop away from him and look at it. Few minutes later, his sister told him that it's gone.

"Let's start a new one. I'll help you." His sister offered him.

"Really?!"

"Don't shout. You will wake up mom and dad. Yes, I'll help help you so stop wailing."

"Thank you noona! You're the best!"

"I said don't shout!"

"Okay."

Time flies so fast if you are doing something that is important. Chanyeol didn't noticed that it's morning already and his sister is fast asleep in their couch.

Tik. Tok. Tik. Tok.

It's already noon when his noona told him to rest and get ready for Baekhyun's recital.

"Wait... this will be finished really soon. Just wait.." Chanyeol said as he sip on his cup of water.

Chanyeol finished his work that afternoon. He make sure that he saved it and make a copy on his flash drive and on his phone.

When Chanyeol look at his wrist watch, it's already quarter to fiv--

"Damn! I need to go there fast!"Chanyeol took his bath fast and dress quickly.

"Bye noona!"

Chanyeol drove there as fast as he could. Baekhyun said their recital will start at four so he should be there before four. Chanyeol hopes, the recital will be delayed so he can manage to go there before the start of the program.

As he arrived at their school,he ran the auditorium but he didn't saw any audiences either the performers. He can only see some students who is cleaning the whole auditorium.

'The recital haven't started,right?' He hopes. Only hopes that.

"Excuse me," he approach one of the students who is cleaning there. "When will the recital start? "

"Uhh, it ended an hour ago.."

"What? It ended already? It's only.." he looked at his watch again. "... six thirty. Oh. I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you. " Chanyeol ran again to his car and drove to Baekhyun's house.

"Hyung, is Baekhyun there?" He asked Baekhyun's brother.

 

"He's... sleeping."

 

"Uhhh, can I come in?"

 

"Um, Baekhyun told me not to let you come in. I'm sorry." Chanyeol felt his chest stabbed like a hundred times. This is the first time Baekhyun banned him to their house. It's his fault, but how can he apologize to him if he is not letting him come?

"I.. understand, just tell Baekhyun I came here."

"Chanyeol-ah, why you didn't attend his recital?"

"It's a long story hyung, tell Baekhyun I'm sorry. " Chanyeol left Baekhyun's house with a heavy heart.

The next morning, he passed his research paper to his professor and look for Baekhyun after that. When he will try approach him, Baekhyun will always dodge him everytime they will meet. And their week passed like that, Chasing and dodging.

It's Saturday and Chanyeol decided to go to Baekhyun's house with his favorite chocolate cake.

"Baekhyun! Baekhyun! " He knocked at his room like the same way he do. But Baekhyun answered him with a 'What'

"Open the door, let's talk!" But Baekhyun wants him to go away.

"I'm not leaving unless you will talk to me, " his voice is pleading he missed Baekhyun so much and he can't bear it like this. They need to fix their problem quickly. After seconds of wait for his answer, he head a faint click on the other side of the door.

He sat at Baekhyun's bed but Baekhyun refuse to look at him.

"I don't know what is happening now. Really. Is it because of your recital? Sorry okay, I know I promised you that I'll go but our research paper were stopping me! The deadline for that was the next day after your recital so please, Baek, tell me what's wrong....."

"Baek, talk to me, you're making things difficult..."

"Please.." Chanyeol felt like crying before he knew it, his tears is already rolling down through his cheeks.

"Hey, are you crying?" This is tge first time he heard Baekhyun's voice since last week.

"Chanyeol?" When Baekhyun turn his back, Chanyeol attack him a tight hug. He rest his face in the crook of Baekhyun's neck.

"I'm so sorry for everything Baek, please forgive me." Chanyeol apologized to him several times before they both went to a deep slumber.

\----  
"Hey, Chanyeol meet my new friend Kyungsoo. " Chanyeol was shocked because he introduced a new friend to him. Not that he was shocked that he has a new friend but it is a guy. Again?

"Oh. Hello, nice to meet you." He continued to review on his history book.

Days have passed, and he noticed that they way Baekhyun look at Kyungsoo is ... different. Like there's something that he can't explain. The way he looks at him, the way he smiled, it's really different when he is with Chanyeol.

'Do you have feelings for him already?'

\----  
Chanyeol felt relieved when he knew that Kyungsoo have boyfriend already.

"Let's go?" Chanyeol leads them to the cafeteria for a short break.

They are still chatting And Chanyeol is reviewing for language when suddenly Baekhyun bluntly said that he is dying.

"What?! Let's go to the hospital now!" He's pulling Baekhyun but he is not even moving. It's weird but Baekhyun is somewhat sensitive in terms of his health and not even telling Chanyeol even a bit about that. So he is really concerned. What if Baekhyun have a heart failure or whatsoever that can harm his lif--

"No Yeol. I'm just kidding actually."

"Seriously, Baek. What's wrong with you? How can you say that?"

"Well, I'm just wondering what will you feel if I'm going to die. "

"Definitely I will be sad. Because my bestfriend is leaving me. Probably, I'll die too. You're my other half Baek... But you can't just joke it! Don't do it anymore! You're giving me heart attacks!" He ruffled Baekhyun's hair and continued to review in Language but to cover up his tears that is threatening to fall. That situation can turn into reality which he can't bear. It's just hurt so much thinking that is just a joke but the feeling is really different.

'How am I suppose to live without you Baekhyun-ah?'

\----  
Again, he noticed Baekhyun's behavior. Like when he can't attend his recital that's what Baekhyun acts. Dodge him when their way will cross. Having a short conversation like never before. What is it this time?

"Huh? What are you thinking? I'm just busy, Yeol. You're over reacting." Baekhyun said but Chanyeol can feel his nervousness. For like a life time since they were born, he knew Baekhyun and his movements. Something is bothering him now.

"Are you sure?" He assured him.

"Yes. Why are you thinking that I'm hiding away from you?"

"Uhm, it's just I feel weird... I- well never mind. Let's go?" They started walking to the entrance of their university. But before they can reach the exit, Chanyeol feel that someone is looking at them so he decided to look back only to caught Kris, from the basketball team, staring at him but immediately looking away when their eyes met. Chanyeol frown,

"Yah!"

"Oh! I'm coming! "

'What does he want?'

\----  
Chanyeol and Baekhyun decided to wait for each other after their classes.

"Yah. Jongdae, look for Baekhyun, okay?" He whisper to Jongdae who's beside him.

"Yea. Yea. You always say that like. Every day?" Jongdae answered him.

"Let's go Jongdae-yah! We'll be late for our next class." Baekhyun said as he make his way to them.

"Yah. Be careful, okay?" Chanyeol reminded him.

"Yes. You too. See you later. Bye.."

When Baekhyun and Jongdae left the library, the smile on Chanyeol's face can't be erased. Chanyeol assumed that they actually have like a couple like conversation a while ago.

He's heading at the cafeteria when he bump on someone.

"Oh. I'm sorry. " Chanyeol bowed and will continue walk again but stopped by a hand on his arm. Chanyeol look at him and saw Kris.

"I... Can we talk?" Chanyeol looked puzzled. Yesterday he caught him looking at them or specifically on him then today, he wants to talk. About what?

"S-sure."

As they got their seat inside the cafeteria, Chanyeol felt the nervousness from Kris. He make sure that he is distanced with him. He knew Kris since they entered the University but not like friends, Chanyeol recalled that he and Kris talked like three times in a span of three years. So he is confused of what does he wants to talk about.

"So?" Chanyeol was the one who break the ice.

"Um, this will be quick. Trust me."  
"You know, we'd known each other since we entered this university but not like friends. We're just civil. Since that time, I noticed how my moves are changing when you are around. You may not notice it but I'm always looking at you, well you caught me yesterday. I--"

"Wait. So what are you trying to say?" Chanyeol interrupt.

"What I'm trying to say is, I like you, please go out with me." After that statement, dead silence enveloped them. Chanyeol was shocked too. He never thought someone will like him. Also, is this a sign that he need to move on from his unrequited love? Kris is a good guy. He doesn't have any bad records in the University. Captain of the basketball team. There are many good traits on Kris that was in his list.

"I'll give it a try..."

After their talk, Kris bid his goodbye and told Chanyeol to meet again tomorrow. Chanyeol is asking himself if he made the right choice. So he decided to tell Baekhyun to get some opinion.

Their class ended earlier that expected so he need to wait for Baekhyun a little longer.

'Baekhyun!'

'Baek.'

'Baekhyunnie'

'Byun Baek answer me!'

He flooded Baekhyun with his text massages.

'I'm bored Baekhyun, where are you?'

His typing his next message when he received a call from Baekhyun.

"Hellooo!"

"Stupid! Stop texting me!"

"Ouch, did you just call me stupid?"

"Yes. Your classes is done already?"

"Yeah." Chanyeol tried to make his voice in a sad tone.

"Go home. I still have one hour to spend."

"Noooo. I'll wait for you here."

"If you say so, I'm hanging up now."

"Okay bye!"

\----

"Baek/Yeol..." They said in unison. But Baekhyun told him to go first so he starts.

"Do you know Kris from the basketball team?"

"Yea?"

"Well, Uhm..He's asking me to date him..." Chanyeol noticed how Baekhyun's smile dissappeared and replaced it by a pained expression? Chanyeol wasn't sure because this is the first time he saw that expression from Baekhyun.

"R-really? Why are you telling this to me?"

"I'm just asking for your permission..."

"What? Am I your mother?"

"N-no, it's just--" but he was cut off nd Baekhyun told him thay he need to go to the bathroom. Chanyeol was stunned for a moment, why is Baekhyun acted like that? He just need his permission, like the way they do before they're are doing something. It takes him minutes to process what happen a while a go and decided to look for Baekhyun.

He saw him with Kyungsoo in front of the comfort room and his back is facing him.

"Baekhyunnie?"

"Baek are you okay?" He said as he walk through them. Kyungsoo told him to stop

Walking to them and told him that Baekhyun is not feeling well and not to worry about that but Chanyeol seems like he didn't hear that and insisted to take Baekhyun home. He is still walking to them when Baekhyun talked.

"No! Kyungsoo will take me home."

"B-but Baek--"

Baekhyun told him that it's okay and they need to discuss something Chanyeol can only agree to them and watch them to walk pass him. Baekhyun's head is hanging low but that didn't stop Chanyeol to see a teardrop from his eyes fell. Why is he crying?

'Did I do something wrong? '

\----  
He and Kris are in the cafeteria for lunch. Weeks have passed and he's getting along very well with Kris but not romantically. Not yet. For Baekhyun, he hardly see him because Kyungsoo told him they're busy with their school stuffs, like him. not that he didn't care but he is now trying himself comfortable without Baekhyun on his side. Because the more he will have Baekhyun on his side the more he can get hurt. Love can really hurt you even if you didn’t do something else. Pain is just inevitable.

"You see, we're going to have a practice match tomorrow,"

"Hmm.."

"I'm inviting you to come, is that okay?"

"Uh--" Chanyeol's phone started to rang. "Oh. Wait a minute."

'Hello?' Kyungsoo called him about Baekhyun wants to see him. It's been a while since they meet so Chanyeol agreed. When did I ever resist Baekhyun? He asked himself.

'Yea. Just tell Baekhyun to wait,'

"Kris, can I go fi--" kris cut him off.

"Oh, it's okay,It's okay."

"Don't worry, I'll go to your practice tomorrow. Thanks! " Chanyeol thank him before literally running off the cafeteria to go to the back of the library.

"Baekhyun? Kyungsoo?" He called, he saw them at the far corner. Kyungsoo and his boyfriend leave them. After they left, he asked Baekhyun what happened to him. From what Chanyeol see, Baekhyun looked like really stressed. His eye bags were like stairs underneath his eyes, he looks so pale, so fragile. He jokingly asked who did that to him but Baekhyun just hugged him.

"I missed you Yeol. I miss you"

"I missed you too, Baek. I'm sorry for not being around. Busy with school works and with Kris of course." There was a long silence until Baekhyun talked to him.

"Are you happy?"

"Huh?"

"Are you happy with Kris?"

"Y-yes.." he hesitantly answered. He is happy with Kris but he is much happier with Baekhyun.

"I'm dying, Chanyeol." He was shocked once again by that statement. He hugged Baekhyun much tighter to hold his tears that is threatening to fall. Again, that words made him cried. It's just it hurts so much thinking that Baekhyun will die and he will be left with sorrow and dismay.

'Why do you think you are dying, Baekhyun?'

Days turned into weeks, School is just getting much harder on them. Stress. Homeworks. Reports. Researches.

That day is like a free day, free from all those stuffs, when Kris and Chanyeol is walking to their university park. Chanyeol automatically spots Baekhyun at one of the Bench with Jongdae and Kyungsoo. Unlike the last time he saw him, Baekhyun is much okay. He can now smile. Kris is saying something that like how can he invade galaxy, his slave etc. Chanyeol just laugh at him. Immature.

Chanyeol is taking some glance on Baekhyun when suddenly their eyes met, Baekhyun let out a sad smile before turning his back.

''Why do I feel something will happen?'

\----  
'Chanyeol-ah, let's meet at the library. I will be a little late.' Kris texted him, he replied with 'okay, see you later'

He's on his way back from the cafeteria when someone pulled him down and kiss him. Chanyeol was shocked when he saw that was Baekhyun. He didn’t know what to do but he choose the other, he pushed him away.

He asked him what is he doing but he answered him a stuttering 'I'm sorry. '

He shouted at Baekhyun and he could see the shock on his face, that was the first time he shouted at him.

But what Baekhyun answered shook his whole world.

"I-I'm in love with you..."

"What?!" Baekhyun started to shout at him too. Telling him that it hurts when Chanyeol dated another man. Baekhyun loved him... too? He didn't know how to react, that was too sudden even his brain is not functioning right. He's telling him to stop but Baekhyun kneeled in front of him, begging for him to love him back. All he want to do is to hug him very tight and tell him that he loved him more that he do. But faith isn't just with them. When he slightly held his head up, he saw Kris there, standing Not too far, watching them. He will just deal Baekhyun later and confess to him. He need to deal witg Kris first. But when he opened his mouth to talk, another sinful words escaped from him.

"Then die! Then I will love you back!" He turn his heel as if he didn’t saw kris there. As if he didn’t left Baekhyun there, pleading. He wiped the tears on his cheeks and went to the library. Now, he will make everything right.

Minutes after, he saw Kris from the entrance. He tried to make their whole conversation normal but as they got to the car park, Chanyeol decided to tell Kris the truth.

"I need to tell you something..."

"I already knew it, Chanyeol-ah."

"What?"

"I already noticed it since I started dating you. It actually hurts but I thought you can move on with me then I'm wrong. Baekhyun is like a oxygen to you that you can't live without."

"I'm sorry, Kris..." Am I really that obvious? He asked himself.

"I guess this is good bye..."

"I am really sorry, Kris. I hope you can forgive me." He hugged Kris and asking for his forgiveness repetitively. Kris told him that it's okay they can still become friends and also told him that he should look for Baekhyun now. Chanyeol agreed to him and gave him one last hug before running to his car. As he went in, his phone rang aggressively. Chanyeol wants to ignore it vut when he saw the caller ID, he immediately answered it. It's rare to receive a call from Kyungsoo and when he calls, that means it is really important.

"Hello?"

"The hell Chanyeol; why aren't you answering my calls?! Baekhyun!"

"I'm just doing some stuffs. What about Baekhyun?"

"Baekhyun, god! Baekhyun is in danger!"

"What?!"

"He called me a while ago and thanking me for everything, saying goodbye like it is his last day in earth!"

"But Baekhyun is always like that, even on me."

"You don't get it Chanyeol! Baekhyun is suicidal!"

Suicidal. That words kept on circulating on his mind.

"Please, Chanyeol. I'm begging you. Look for him please. I need to be sure."

"I get it! I'll call you back." Chanyeol turned on his engine and drive as fast as he could on Baekhyun's house.

The house is awfully quiet like there's no one living there. Chanyeol opened the door only to find the door is unlocked. He went on the kitchen and saw a glass of water there, he is sure Baekhyun is here.

"Baekhyun! Baekhyun!" He went to Baekhyun's room and burst the door open, he saw Baekhyun there, slowly falling on the ground, pills were scattered around him. He ran to him and tried to wake him up.

"Baekhyun, Baekhyun..." he is slightly slapping Baekhyun's cheeks hoping that he will wake up, but he didn't, he tried giving him CPR but no response. He tried to spill those pills but he failed.

"No. No. No." He carried Baekhyun and hurried to go to his car. He settled Baekhyun on the passenger's seat and hime drive off. Thinking what is the best way how to get faster to the hospital, because the hospital is not that near to them.

"Damn!" When he is in Expressway, he really sped up. He is holding Baekhyun's and while driving and feeling his pulse. There is still beating but hardly recognized. Five blocks from the hospital when traffic started to build up. Chanyeol cursed under his breath. He kept on horning the cars in front of him but they are not moving. Chanyeol reached again for Baekhyun's wrist and his pulse is not beating. He tried again but the same result.

"No no no.. this can't be happening." He untangled Baekhyun seat beat and got off the car. He carried Baekhyun all the way to yhe emergency room of the hospital.

He contacted Kyungsoo and their parents telling them that they're at hospital.

'If something bad happened to him. I am to blame. This is all my fault.' Chanyeol could only pray and hope that Baekhyun is okay that his heart is beating.

Half an hour later, Kyungsoo arrived.

"Where is he?" Kyungsoo asked him in a worried tone.

"He is still inside."

"What happened to him?"

"He... he swallowed pills. I'm not sure what is that."

"Pills? No, he didn’t't do it. You're kidding me. His pills were only anti-depressant and sleeping pills. And that is so dangerous when combined. You didn't saw two bottles right?"

Chanyeol tried his best to recall and he is sure that he saw two bottles on the floor.

"I- I saw it. There's two.."

"No, No. This is not happening!"

"Calm down," Chanyeol calming him down despite that he is too nervous and hoping that Baekhyun is really okay

When the doctor walk out from the ER.

"Doc, how is he? He's okay right?" Chanyeol asked him.

"I'm sorry. But the patient is dead before getting inside the ER. We tried everything to revive him but the substances is spreading really fast. We're very sorry." The doctor said and gave Chanyeol a light tap on his shoulder before walking away from him.

As if his energy is drained out, Chanyeol slump on the floor, still processing what the doctor said.

'He is still alive right? This is just too fast!'

Their parents came minutes later. But Chanyeol is still in daze. He can't really accept the fact that Baekhyun do it just because he said it.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault!" He said as tears streamed down across his face.

"No, it's not your fault. Channie," his sister said before she hugged him.

"No. This is all my fault! Everything! Blame it to me! Please!" Chanyeol kneel in front of Baekhyun’s parents who is crying too.

"It's all my fault. Please. Blame it--" Chanyeol fainted.

\----

That dream turned into nightmare that will hunt him forever. After the funeral, things are not getting back to normal. Chanyeol couldn't even go to his classes. He couldn't sleep, because even if he will just close his eyes, Baekhyun will always get in the view. A cheerful Baekhyun that he knew. Flashback started to play all their happy memories. Before he knew it, he is crying again.

He is thinking about it since that funeral and he is now determined to do it. He wrote a letter for people arourn him, fold it and put

Beside the lamp. He roamed his eyes inside his room, mesmerizing every inch of it. He reach for the guitar that Baekhyun gave him on his eleventh birthday and play it one last time. He is already contented on his life. All he need now is Baekhyun by his side. Reaching the pills that Baekhyun left and overdosed himself. He closed his eyes and saw a one moment that he tresured the most.

\---- (Baekhyun's 11'th birthday)

"Baekhyun! Here! Taste it, mom and I baked it." Chanyeol boast to everyone inside Baekhyun's house. Well, the truth is his mother did all of them, but hey! Cleaning the trashes is considered helping right?

"Really? Hmm." Baekhyun tasted it and said its heavenly good.

"I have another gift for you. Let's go to your room!" Chanyeol said as he dragged Baekhyun to his room.

"What is it? Let me see!" An excited Baekhyun said when they are both on his bed.

"Wait. " Chanyeol get the gift from his pocket and gave it to Baekhyun. A birthday greeting card.

"Ohh. Let me see." It's just a small message but it means a lot for both of them.

"I have another one!"

"Again?" Chanyeol nod at him and get the other gift from his pocket.

"This is the most hardest thing I've ever do. I hope you will use it in the future! "

Baekhyun was moved by his gifts. "Of course! I will surely use it! You're the best Chanyeol-ah I love you!" Baekhyun hugged Chanyeol and he hugged him back. He is now sure that he love his bestfriend.

Indeed, Chanyeol's gift was used. The piece thatBaekhyun used in his recital is actually Chanyeol's composition entitled 'Moonlight'

Chanyeol fell in love with him the moment he saw him under the moonlight.

'Happy Birthday, Baekhyunnie! Let's be together forever! :)'

\----  
He smiled and sleep took him to neverland.

When he opened his eyes, he literally saw paradise. A straight green field, butterfly is flying around. He saw people there. Happily chatting with each other.

"Ahh, so this what it looks like," he roam his eyes and saw a familiar figure not too far from him.

He walk to him, slowly so he cant make any sounds. He is sure that this is Baekhyun. His hair, his delicate fingers, his innocent face, he miss everything about him.

Hugged Baekhyun from behind which caused Baekhyun to jerk off.

"What are you -- Chanyeol? !"

 

"Shhh."Chanyeol hugged him again he really missed that smaller one.

 

"Wait," Baekhyun pushed him off. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Why? Aren't you happy that I'm here?"

 

"No! I mean, how? When?"

 

"It's a really long story Baek,"

 

"But-"

 

"Stop. I need to tell you something."

 

"What is it?" Chanyeol pulled him into hug again.

 

"I am so sorry Baekhyun, I should have told you. I love you." Baekhyun smiled and hug him back. So, this is what it feels like when you love each other. Heaven.


End file.
